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Miss Manners assures you that seeing what look like small silver forceps on the dinner table will produce an equal amount of shock.ĭEAR MISS MANNERS: A 30-year-old member of our family died eight months ago. However, as it offends you, you can invest in asparagus tongs. Every once in a while, etiquette likes to shock people, and this will do it. However, I believe this looks childish and that asparagus should be eaten with a knife and fork. Unless they have bows tied on their bald heads, it is considered legitimate to ask, as there are so few conversation openers with them.)īut if your stepmother is merely speculating privately and you find it annoying, you need only murmur, “I didn’t notice.”ĭEAR MISS MANNERS: My roommates think it is OK to eat asparagus with their hands. In any case, asking people directly should be on a need-to-know basis. Miss Manners is given to understand that there are people who consider “What is your pronoun?” a polite question, although there are others with whom she would not advise trying it.
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There are so many more now to choose among. GENTLE READER: Life must be getting more interesting for your stepmother, with her fascination with strangers’ gender identities. This woman often drops offensive, butter-wouldn’t-melt negative judgments that are personal, political or class-based.ĭo you have suggestions for handling this gracefully (not my strongest point) while communicating that it’s not OK, at least around me? Complicating matters is that my father is elderly, and I’m the only child near him. I’m disappointed that I didn’t have a better response to what was a rude and poisonous remark. I responded, with a look of puzzlement, that the server was female. Later, after one of the servers freshened our drinks, she commented that she couldn’t tell if the server was male or female.
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My stepmother remarked twice that she couldn’t tell if the other child was a boy or a girl. During our conversation, we were talking about my niece’s new job and her search for a nanny to watch both her baby and a friend’s. In the end, much of Miss Manners' advice can be summarized as: just grin and bear it and leave the snide remarks to pros like myself.DEAR MISS MANNERS: I took relatives out to brunch. And while the questions reflect an updated look at today's etiquette conundrums-from email correctness to dealing with the unmarried pregnant women in our midst-the responses seem to convey weariness over the arrival of such new opportunities for graciousness. Unlike etiquette books that take a more preventive approach, offering an encyclopedia-type reference to potentially awkward situations that allows readers to get quick, definitive advice, Miss Manners seems to assume the ""gentle reader"" has a lot of time for reading-and for puzzling through the answers to divine truly proper behavior or to find a way to apply it to their own situation. She never shies away from finger-pointing (or wagging), as she does when she chides a woman who engages in one-night stands for complaining about the lack of social follow-up on the part of her discarded men. Though Miss Manners frequently refers to her ""gentle readers,"" there is nothing gentle about her treatment of them. For instance, regarding guest behavior: When can one stop writing a frequently visited friend thank you notes? Her answer: Only when they appreciate being taken for granted. She then provides her responses to a limited selection of questions related to the general topic.
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Martin, author of the ""Miss Manners"" columns and a variety of related books, speaks to readers' behavioral concerns typically by introducing a general topic area with a sharp-tongued essay, as she does with ""Houseguests,"" which describes perfect and not-so-perfect guest behavior. Evoking the vaguely Victorian voice her ""gentle readers"" no doubt expect, Miss Manners imparts her personal brand of wisdom along with a lady-like amount of wit in this updated look at propriety.